The Beatles once said there were 4000 holes in Blackburn, Lancashire. They must have been referring to the arseholes on the police force there, judging by this story in the Daily Mail Online.

It seems that a 36-year-old man, Christopher Cocker, was watching a weekly comedy show in his apartment when he literally rolled off his chair laughing onto the floor. While this is not generally, even in England, a serious offence or even indicative of a serious injury, Cocker’s downstairs neighbor called police because of the noise. She said she “was worried in case he was having an epileptic fit. There was a lot of noise and I didn’t know what to do so I called the police.”

She didn’t know what to do, so she called the police. Funny reaction, that. When I don’t know what to do, I think about what to do, and then I take appropriate action. If I heard a weird noise from an upstairs neighbor, the last thing I would do would be contacting the police. The first thing I would do would be knocking on their door to see if they were all right, at least if I were worried about them.

When the police came, they apparently determined he was OK and alone, and then asked his name for their report. But Cocker didn’t want to get involved with any police report, so apparently he simply thought he’d shut the door. The police were having none of this, however, and the man who had been simply enjoying an evening’s television entertainment was at this time sprayed in the eyes with pepper spray, struck by the police, handcuffed, arrested, thrown into a police van, taken to the police station, charged with assaulting a police officer, stripped naked, and thrown into a cell.

And he’s not even black.

The best part of the article is at the end:

A police spokesman said Cocker became ‘aggressive’ towards the officers who feared for their own safety.

The spokesman said: ‘Parva (sic) spray was used to stop any confrontation and was necessary to protect the officers and any members of the public who were around at the time.

‘Within the circumstances, we feel we used reasonable force.’

OK, let’s just visualize the situation here. The guy’s trying to close his door and end the conversation (as well as any alleged confrontation). He’s behind the door and now the officers are fearful for their safety, so they hurry up and spray him through the door before it closes. There were no members of the public around at the time; they had already determined that. Yeah, reasonable force…because the guy was a smartass (definition: someone who doesn’t bend over and kiss the nice policeman’s butt).

I suppose it’s a good thing that English police don’t carry guns as a regular thing, or this guy could have been shot dead like that poor guy they killed awhile back in the subway over there because he was running for a train.

From the Telegraph:

Three masked men suspected of stripping lead from a village church roof were allowed to go free because they could have been enjoying the view (our italics). Police responded quickly after churchgoers reported seeing the trio on Treeton Parish Church, in Rotherham, South Yorkshire…the suspects were caught wearing balaclavas and gloves…Police arrived and the men came down. Lead had been removed and rolled up ready to be carried off…Officers searched all three youths and thoroughly examined the surrounding area but found no evidence that any offences had been committed.

The Keystone Cops could have done better (once they parked their vehicle, anyway). Is this really the England of Scotland Yard and Sherlock Holmes?